Hey you greedy, corporate bastards! Get the FUCK OUT OF MY VAGINA!! That's right, you read that right. GET OUT OF MY VAGINA.
So, just to backtrack a bit for everyone else who isn't a greedy corporate bastard ...
It all started almost a year ago now, I noticed it was harder and harder to find my favorite (and necessary) tampon - the OB Ultra. Not to get too far into it, but this was the only tampon that did the job, and even then, sometimes things still got outta hand. My "Heavy Flow" days are not just for a day or two, but pretty much for the whole shebang. So, I started looking for substitutes.What else would do? As it turns out, nothing offered by the large manufacturers of menstrual devises has so far been adequate. They ALL failed.
Almost a year later, and way too many leaks and unpleasantness of that nature later, I found myself needing go buy tampons yesterday. We were in Walmart at the time, and I headed over to the pharmacy area to find the required "Feminine Hygiene Products". No "ultras" of any brand, no spaces on the shelves (anymore.) I harboured hope for ages, until the spot on the shelf disappeared.
So, what to use instead this time? Tampax Super Plus. Well, let's hope so.
But in less than 2 hours, leaking already! GRrrrrrr, fine, I'll change you. Just washed the sheets. Grrrr. WTF???? It came out in two pieces. Not kidding, the top half of the tampon had separated from the bottom at the point where the string is tied in the middle, it was in two pieces. Thankfully, my wicked flow ushered the loose piece out with the bottom half. Not good. Not nice, kinda freaked me out. Not like the time my cat's ass left a wiggly worm onto my bare thigh (See me running around in circles, yelling, cursing, arms in the air and such. Then a trip to the bathroom wash, wash, wash it off and then some rubbing alcohol liberally applied for decontamination). But the kind of freaked out where your not going to do THAT again. Hell No!
But what? My Moon is flowing baby, this can't wait.
Well, if the Great Wiki doesn't know what the fuck is going on, I just don't know what. So I searched. Guess what I found out? OB took all its tampons off the market for a short period of time in late 2010 to early 2011. When they returned, they came back without the Ultra size, and after that, I never saw another Ultra again, of any brand. http://commonhealth.wbur.org/2010/12/ob-tampon-mystery/
What I also found out disturbed me, and made me so angry that I decided that I would NEVER EVER SPEND ONE MORE DOLLAR ON TAMPONS OR YOUR NASTY "NAPKINS". Hell, I may even investigate further the call of www.obultratampons.com to girlcott ALL of Johnson & Johnson's significant list of products. Www.obultratampons.com suggests that the tampon industry is trying to force women into medicating their flows, instead of just dealing with it.
Other agree http://commonhealth.wbur.org/2010/12/o-b-mystery-fda/ Why? Well, I concur with the woman with the "colourful" language, but just in case you didn't check out the link, once again, money is at the root of this marketing manipulation.
Hey! J & J and all the rest of you pharmasudical phuckers - THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME! I DO NOT HAVE A CONDITION THAT REQUIRES FIXING - I'M NOT BROKEN. I DON'T WANT YOUR FILTHY POISON. Oh, and thanks for finally pushing me so far that I broke free of your BS, and will be living happily ever after WITHOUT you.
So, this morning I talked to my Amazing Sister Sara. She and my other Amazing Sister, Jenny, have been using the Diva Cup for a while now and love it. So I searched and searched then lost it, really, there are only so many times you can ask a stranger for a menstrual device, get denied and have to hear them say "What? What is that?" before you start to get testy about it. I knew I needed help, pulled the car into the parking lot of the St. James Library and logged into the free wi-fi there. Where are you Diva Cups? HA! found you - Humbolt's Legacy in Wolsely! WhhooooHOooo! Quick zip over there and I am a proud new Diva!
Fuck you Tampax! Kiss my Butt O.B.!
Now you know why I want those greedy motherfuckers out of my vagina.
You might want to think about getting them out of your vagina too. Think long term risks of being exposed to the bleach and unnatural fibers for days at a time, EVERY MONTH, for your entire reproductive lifespan. Not to mention this latest attempt at marketing and manipulation of women from those pharmaceutical phuckers, trying to convince me that my body's natural functions are a problem worthy of medicating.
Google it, Bitch!
<3 U ;-)